The ONE Thing You Need To Master If You Want To Start Winning

It seems luck is reserved for a select few.

Everything comes easy to them.

Whatever they do they excel.

They can quit a job today and before the day ends tomorrow they have secured another gig.

If they contemplate starting a business they secure financing at the snap of their fingertips, in fact investors seem to fall over themselves begging for an opportunity to be part of their enterprise.

It seems they have a million friends.  All these things come effortlessly.

This is a paradox, isn’t it?  We are all equal. No one person should horde all the blessings.

You also want these opportunities and breaks. After all you hold the same qualifications.

You went to the same schools. If truth be told they were average at school.

You have the same background. So it can’t be nature versus nurture.

So, why do they stand out?

Why do they seem to have a bucket load of success?

Why does their life roll along smoothly?

The difference is in the way they do relationship.

What Relationship Savvy People That Most Of Us Don’t Get

The very thing that’s meant to be your destruction provide the fuel to propel you to victory.

The way you manage your relationships is the key to success.

Let’s be honest, you’re here because everything’s not okay.

Despite being told to get the right qualifications, to aim high and never stop learning, you find yourself grieving, angry, bitter, disappointed and in pain.

But doing it the way you have been taught dramatically messes up your chances of success.

Stop, think about it, how many people do you know who have made more progress than you despite the fact that you hold the advantage according to conventional wisdom?

See? Who gets ahead more? The people who know something or the people who know someone?

I’m not talking about nepotism and cronyism.

The people who know someone will be granted access first.

If you want people to know how brilliant you are, you need to do RELATIONSHIP well.

If you don’t do this one thing well you are limiting your chances of transformation and success.

It’s a no brainer.

We find meaningful existence through the connections we make.

Without RELATIONSHIP this is impossible.

It’s relationship that grants you access.

Access to opportunities that you will never see advertised.

See the importance? It’s all about relationship.

Get this right and you will have the world begging to give you all your desires.

The following ideas will show you how to master the most important relationships so that you start to win

  • How You conceive Yourself

It’s possible that you have a bad relationship with yourself.

Most average people do not have good relations with themselves.

If you want to win on your transformational journey you need to work on this relationship.

The people who are winning at life have a good relationship with themselves.

This makes them confident and assured. Without confidence and assurance you will sabotage yourself.

You close access to the real you not from just the outside world but from yourself.

If you are going to change your life you need to deal with your biggest hindrance. You.

You are spending too much time focused on the people who have caused you pain. This is what we do. We give the negative too much power.

You need to know that not all criticism is truth.

You have had your dreams shamed out of you.

You have let their words crush your value.

Stop, look around you, are there no people who affirm and value you? The more you focus on the people who see greatness in you the better.

You are going to have a good relationship with yourself when you see clear.

You’ve become attuned to hearing negativity. All other voices are not truth. Even if a person were to tell you they like you, you will think that they are trying to manipulate you because you are not likeable.

This shuts doors of possibility because we cannot receive the good that’s being given to us.

There are more people who are willing you to succeed than those who against you.

I struggle with acceptance and praise because I have been so focused on what was said to be negative about me I could not hear when people said good things about me. I once attended a seminar where we had to give a brief background about ourselves during the first session.  When the facilitator was giving his assessment of everyone, he called me “eloquent”, I didn’t hear that because that couldn’t be me. And when he called my contributions “poignant” I thought this guy doesn’t know the kind of person I am.

When you see all of humanity as an enemy even the skill to appreciate and complement dies.

Bitterness digs deep and you search for faults in others because that’s the way you have been taught to relate.

You need to get out of your own way.

You need to focus on people who affirm your worth. I promise if you look around you will find them.

Yes, it’s true and simple.

If you learn how to shift focus, your journey will be a whole lot easier.

There is no formula or a complicated strategy. The voices that you listen to will determine your self-perception and that will determine your relationships with other people.

Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to let pain cloud the outlook when all you have ever heard is how useless and unworthy you are.

It’s necessary to discover the other voices that speak good of you.

A healthy relationship with yourself will enable you to achieve this focus.

You will see that you aren’t a bad person. You will see that whilst not perfect, there are people who try to be good.

  • How You conceive Other

You relate to others how you relate with yourself.

When you see a person who looks down on others, it’s because they look down upon themselves so they need to bring everyone down to their level.

I had the unfortunate opportunity of listening to the stories of people who have berated me and ringed the last drop of confidence I ever out of me. Their stories reek of bitterness. Ironic thing is that they were telling me how they felt. In some ways it was cathartic because it gave me a whole new perspective of looking at things and it released me from the prison their negative words had put me in because I suddenly realized that I had nothing to do with their negativity.

They were angry, bitter and disappointed. I just got caught in the crossfire .

This will scream louder than any posturing you might do and people will avoid you.

You are ashamed and embarrassed.

If you are not happy with yourself, it will come out in how you treat other people and how other people treat you.

People do cause us pain but is it worth it to hold on to that pain especially when it has been show to do more damage to the one holding it than the perpetrator?

You will get to a place whereby people will avoid you because of the bitterness you carry. You might have been wronged but if you don’t deal with it you will face the greatest loss.

When people avoid you it means that an opportunity for access has been closed off. It means that you have lost an opportunity not only for yourself but for other people in your network.

Even if you manage to get to the top sooner or later everything will implode.

Why?

Because you will be repelling people with your negative energy.

It’s an unfair cycle. You got repelled because you were made to feel unworthy.

Now you are the one who is repelling people because you see them from your unworthiness. So, there’s got to be something wrong with people.

If someone excels at doing something you see the bad about them. Someone might give a good speech but because you are wired with unworthy thoughts, you will not see that instead you will notice how bulbous their nose is or how they mismatched their shirt and tie.

However in order to have success. It’s important to get out of our own way.

Because our success is connected to how we relate to others.

I have only learnt to listen recently.  One time my peer mentor started to say how I could become successful if I put time and effort to develop my facilitating and teaching skills. I didn’t hear until she said it for the second time. I had to ask who she was talking about. I won’t gloss over things for a long time I was damaged. I was bowled over.

This was my Lazarus moment.

One of the ways you will get out of your way is to look back over your life and find good things people have said about you.

Write them down and remind yourself of the people who said those things.

It’s a mining exercise because it’s likely that your praises are buried deep in the quagmire of hurt, bitterness and distrust.

The answer you seek is in another person but if you are caught up with yourself you won’t get it because you are planting wrong seeds.

Why You Need To Kill Yourself

Insensitive.

But when you don’t let the old you die you won’t get out of the prison you are in and you will not gain mastery.

When you are obsessively focused on nursing your pain, it’s hard to see clearly.

You judge everything from your jaundiced perspective (I have been there and it’s not a good place).

You are self-centered. Everything is about you.

But everything is not about us. In the world if you want to do great meaningful stuff you have to give first.

But when you are in pain you become a black hole.

You cannot see anything else. This leads to a poor spirit.

If you want to succeed you need to learn to do relationships in a different way.

You need a mindset shift.

But it’s up to you

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