The 3 Step Process To Effective Anger Management

Can I make a confession?

I had a terrible temper problem.

I was angry at everything and everyone and the bad part was I didn’t even know why I was angry:

Pro 29:11 A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

I thought I was defending myself or being assertive, I didn’t realize I was being a fool.

I am naturally introverted so I did not tell people who made me angry that I was made about their actions.

This resulted in grudges.

Which in turn transmuted into dislike for the person based on a single event.

Anything they did afterwards even when it was good I saw through the lens of contempt.

But this habit cost me a lot of opportunities and relationships.

There are times when anger serves a good purpose but I couldn’t differentiate the bad and the good.

However, as time has passed, I learned to bring the anger under control through a number of unorthodox strategies.

Oh yes, it involves the BIBLE!


Transforming through the Word of God

People in the world say that the word of God is irrelevant and it has no place in today’s science driven world.

They’re welcome to their thoughts.

But the word of God helped me calm my raging rivers:

Eph 4:31  Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Eph 4:32  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

When I say the study of the word of God transformed me, I do not mean the scrolling kind of reading but deep meditative reading has made me calmer.

We have seen politicians in “christian” countries use the bible to justify wars and destroy people’s lives but that’s their own agendas:

Jas 4:1  From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Jas 4:2  Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Jas 4:3  Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. Jas 4:4  Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. Jas 4:5  Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? Jas 4:6  But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Jas 4:7  Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Jas 4:8  Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.

We have been witness to this but the end result has been devastation of people’s lives across the world.

It’s better to not hide behind the veil of religion if you want to start wars but state clearly that you are fighting for resources.

How To Battle The Hulk And  Prevail

Well, technically, I am still battling the Hulk (Angry me) but I am winning.

I am not given to wild impulses.

James 1:19-20

This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

I simply gave myself time to study the word of God and I let the Holy Spirit work in me.

It’s not an overnight thing and it’s a work in progress.

The first step was to ACKNOWLEDGE my state and ACCEPT that I needed help to get over his debilitating state.

Too many people who are angry but don’t know or are unwilling to accept that they are angry.

This has resulted in a lot of heartaches and in extreme cases conflict.

Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

Renewing the mind is not an overnight thing but it is deliberate.

We make a mistake to assume that once we become Christian we have become super humans.

The truth is that we still face the same challenges the rest of the world faces but we have the bible to help us become overcomers.

Anger cost me a relationship that could have been fruitful in so many way.

A Deliberate Study of the Word

In today’s world it should be easier to find scripture that talk to our challenges

We have bibles online.

So it is easier in terms of effort and time you can find all the relevant scriptures that talk about anger in less than a minute.

However, when you find them you cannot read them as if you are scanning but you have to get involved.

In the same way you would intensely get lost in the world of the novel or be focused on a movie.

You have to get involved with the text of the scripture because it will be of no value if you know what the verse says and not apply it to your particular situation.

For example:

James 1:19-20

This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

It is a three step process to dealing with situations that could easily turn into a nasty conflict.

Everyone wants to be assertive but being assertive is not speaking over the other person or feeling like you have won an argument.

Assertiveness comes from the three step process outlined in that scripture.

You will get your message across but it will not be in anger. It will be done in a calm and confident manner.

Change’s not easy

We all want to be heard, so it is natural that when we in an argument we want to feel like we are winning.

It is not considered strength to keep silent while another person speaks, you have to fight harder.

But the end result is that issues are not resolved and they tend to boil over.

However, if you listen to someone even when they are screaming at you, you can evaluate better what they are saying and what they mean.

Meaning that you will have a better chance of solving the problem.

This is not an easy state to reach because of our learned reactions.

But when you make an effort to put into practice what the bible says and not just consider it a good book to carry on a Sunday morning or to put on the bookshelf, you will find great wisdom that will help you prosper.

It’s Up To You

If you want healthy relationships.

If you want to be really assertive.

If you want to really prosper and overcome challenges.

The three step process is a good place to begin.

You do not make decisions in the heat of the moment but,

It’s up to you!

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